When Pleasing Everyone Leaves You Empty: A Holiday Reset for the People-Pleaser and the Perfectionist.

The holidays have a way of stirring up the parts of us we’re still healing. The “yes” that slips out before you think. The pressure to host, bake, show up, smile, respond, give, and be everything to everyone. The guilt that creeps in when you finally choose yourself.

If you’re a people pleaser or a perfectionist, this season can hit a little harder. Not because you’re weak or dramatic, but because you feel deeply. You notice what others need, you want everyone to be good, and you carry an invisible scoreboard in your head that keeps you performing long after your energy runs out.

But here’s the truth we rarely say out loud:
You are not responsible for making the holidays perfect. You’re responsible for protecting your peace.

This season doesn’t need a perfect version of you. It needs a present you — rested, grounded, and aligned.

Let’s walk through how to do that.

1. Release the pressure to be “on”

You don’t have to entertain every cousin, answer every text, or stay in every conversation longer than your spirit can manage. Notice when your body tenses. Notice when your smile starts to feel heavy. That’s your cue to step back, not push harder.

Give yourself permission to leave the room, take a breather in the car, or step outside for air. Breaks aren’t rude — they’re protective.

2. You’re not the family fixer

Many people pleasers learned early that calm only comes when you keep the peace. But you’re not the emotional glue of the entire family tree. Other adults can carry their own weight, their own conflicts, their own reactions.

This year, let someone else jump in. Let silence sit in the room. Let other people manage their own energy.

Your worth isn’t tied to how well you hold everyone together.

3. “Good enough” is still good

Perfectionists feel this season deeply — the urge to make everything flawless, meaningful, picture-ready. But holidays weren’t designed for performance. They were designed for connection.

If the food isn’t perfect, people still eat.
If the house isn’t spotless, people still show up.
If you disappoint someone, the world doesn’t end.

Don’t sacrifice peace trying to create a moment that was meant to be simple.

4. One small boundary can protect your whole day

Boundaries don’t have to be loud. They can be a simple shift:

• “I can stay for two hours, not all day.”
• “I’m bringing what I can — not what I used to.”
• “I’m stepping away for a bit, I’ll be back soon.”
• “I’m not discussing that topic today.”

You don’t owe anyone an emotional explanation for protecting your well-being.

5. Make space for yourself before the day takes over

People pleasers and perfectionists often let the holidays swallow them whole. You wake up already feeling behind, already thinking about what everyone else needs.

Try starting the day with you.
Even five quiet minutes.
Even a breath prayer.
Even a moment to tell yourself, “I get to choose how I show up today.”

You are allowed to feel grounded before you give to anyone else.

6. You don’t need to earn your rest

This is the hardest one.
Perfectionists think rest must be “deserved.”
People pleasers think rest is “selfish.”

Neither is true.

You are allowed to relax even if the list isn’t done.
You are allowed to excuse yourself even if someone is disappointed.
You are allowed to choose the version of you that feels whole — not the one everyone expects.

A holiday reminder for your heart

You can still love people without overextending yourself.
You can still show up without losing yourself.
You can still create joy without performing for it.

And if this year feels different… let it.
Different might be healthier.
Different might be safer.
Different might be the beginning of you reclaiming yourself.

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#christiantherapist #purposejourney #healingthroughfaith